The Mind moves as a Circle I Do Believe, Round and Round and Round It Goes Into the Village Square Where We All Can Gather Round

My mind continually moves around, from one thing to another.  It wakes up with the committee meeting before my eyes are open.  Of late, it has had its nanoseconds filled to the brim.  My mind runneth over.  I have been thinking, LOL, the understatement, about different things.  What are the rules to thinking?  I decided, since the rhythm of life is called the circle of life, long before Lion King, that is the ultimate rule or guideline, but it’s a rule, we made or, did we?  No answer..  We came in from the spirit world and we will return to the spirit world, hence, it’s the only consistent rule, as we have no choice in that circle.  Of course, we like to think that what we do can enhance the time clock, it seems so, but no one really knows.

So, what is this about?  It is about lessons learned from my latest adventure this summer.  Much akin to what I read this summer.  My summer vacation was knee replacement and, that brought all manner of new mini circles of understanding for me.  One thinks it’s just about chopping some joint out and putting a better one in place.  If only that were the only truth.  So, I have learned alot from this that I think is worthy of discussion.  I hope it will help you without you having your knee replaced

After thinking of appropriate presentation, I decided It should be a discussion which we will call round robin.  It’s implications are much broader but for the sake of one blog post, I will try to focus.  A round robin if you will.  The circle has many pi’s and that will be the future blogs, breaking down the circle of our life as best I can.   I believe life is better with conversation and sharing.  I think that is the one neglected cureall for the state of our country.  We no longer talk to each other, in the smallest quanitities.  That is what will save us as individuals and serve our nation in a better way by making our lives more personal to each other and to become more human.  That is not to say, we take on each others problems or responsibilities, but learn how to communicate our wants and needs.  I have learned this greatly, more now,  this summer than in years past, I had forgotten the neighbors.  You are the neighbors.

I begin with said knee failing, for a very long time.  I became so used to this, it just was what it was.  So, in the interest of your sharing my blog,  being in my circle, being my neighbor, being my friend, please think what painful thing have you been becoming used to that really encumbers your awareness of a better life.  Stick to your own body parts, no divorce is not in this discussion, jus sayin’.   Before that, it was the weight on my body which is covered in another blog, called Breaking the Biggest Myth of My Lif to be posted when I figure how to load the picutres.  The hardest things to deal with are/were, some days still dealing with, is the tissue aches and the falling into an anxiety pit.  I want to discuss falling into the anxiety pit, not to be confused with depression, mental illness, but human feeling that we all encounter.  It scares all of us.  To much media press on pointing fingers to get you to read this whatever.  This is all looking in hindsite as that is 20/20.   No one accepts that feeling sad and lonely and down is part of being human.  We have five senses so why not engage all of the emotions as well.

 I think we forget all to often that we are human beings, not human doings, whose body needs time to heal.  This anxiety effects motivated people the most.  And we can read it in the media but they don’t talk about going thru it, they talk about a pill, or a study, or eating comfort food.  No one says, call a friend.  Put the drug of choice down.  Be it a pill, or a piece of pie, or a drink, or a credit card.  STOP!!, LOOK!!!  LISTEN TO YOUR SOUL!!  FEEL!! CRY!!   JUST BE!!  WITH YOURSELF!! would be a great headline.

 

I learned this because, I was in physical pain, alone during times when my friends worked, crying in my room, not knowing this was part of the anxiety of body healing and feeling less than that I was not tough enough.  I am not used to being this still or, this quiet or, this aware of this much pain, for such a long time.  This is a big paragraph and I would like for you to soak it up.  Feelings are healers, educators, and peace makers, leading a path to a much happier life.  It slowed me down,  still does, there is no time limit on healing.  It taugh to make phone calls, to ask for help, from strangers, and from friends.

 This is a big deal.  It showed me, I am not really alone in this world.  None of us are, we all have a village, but it takes participation.  It took two to make you, to get you here, and it takes more than you to survive the life cycle.  You, me, we have a choice on how much fun that will be and how much comfort we can receive and give in the hard times.  This is the biggest lesson I have learned.  I still wish some people would call more, be with me more and just remember I’m here but they don’t.  So, I have to broaden my village to get what I want.  I don’t know the difference from wants and needs at times.  And, I don’t do any of this perfectly.  

I feel like I set schedules, make lists and get it done.  Produce, live, play, love and cha cha cha.  Well, the body when effected by blank, for me knee replacement surgery, you fill in here, has it’s own time line.  After much internet reading, my knee said, you have run over me like a bad car accident.  You broke my bones, took something out, put something in, pounded it into MY bone and glued it, stitched it close and you said, ok you are done.  Moving on now.  Pretty scar, and the sun comes up tomorrow.  Not so fast Kay or Dr.’s or universe, I am still being reckoned with and for many months to come.  I am complicated.  

Well, not so my friends, maybe in Oz, but not in Durham.  I am 8 weeks out post op and still get brought down to Durham earth daily.  I am learning how to respect my body even more.  To just say, ok, I will lay down a while and not pass judgement on myself.  Do you do that?  Do you berate your resting times?  Time is not money, that is a big fat lie.  Time is your life.  You will not be on your death bed and say, I wish I had made another dollar, but I bet, I wish I had made a phone call, or hugged a friend or a family member.  I spend more time now, sitting in my swing on the deck.  I write more notes to friends just to check in.

So, for me, the anxiety that came after the excitement of being able to walk, had a toll.  I have not had anxiety in my years but I once had chronic pain and depression.  Given all the chat of the moment, there is a big difference and I can do something about anxiety.  I am not medical but I don’t think you have to be to have common sense.  I wanted to change the anxiety and the path to it.  It is within me to be the eternal optimist.  Maybe not for you, but that is why we are having this blog, I want to provide hope for you.   The internet has great sites for support.  Bonesmart.org has been a lifeline to understanding what I put myself in to experience.  Angles I have never even considered.  Pre op and post op.  There is no timeline in truth, as each person is different.

The body brings feelings, of it’s own accord.   So, what I did, was, when I understood, which took some times, I emailed friends and asked them to stop by.  They were so willing to do so.  They said they were wanting to be asked.  Duh, we are all so polite, so now I am saying, you can ask someone who you think is recovering, or in anxiety, or whatever, if you can stop by.  Take them a meal, coffee, a smile will do much more.  It is hard for we humans to be forthright and kind without permission. We have adapted a bunch of phoney rules.  I do call before I drop in, but growing up, we were doing the “do drop in”.   It is ok with me, I have friends who do drop in.  I love that about them, they are not here to see my house, but to see me.  I had to read this on a forum to understand.  To know I am ok.  All is well.  So I am just spreading the wealth so to speak.

So, yea, I read about chemical addictions like to carbs, dopamine, drugs, shrinks, yatta, yatta, yatta, but I didn’t read about calling a friend, resting, and seeking information.    Saying, can you have coffee?  Can we just check in?  I don’t discount mental illness, depression and all that jazz, but I’m talking about being human and I feel some of this deeper stuff is caused by not catching the early warning signals of loneliness, of being able to chat with the person next to you at the cafeteria.  My momma instilled in my sibs and I that there are no strangers.  I learned in the 10 days at the nursing facility, to ask people their story.  Everyone has one.  It is so much more than I ever imagined.  So, I ask you to consider making your circle bigger. How?  You decide.  Who is around?  If you got out of your way, who would you call and what would you do?

Here is the disclaimer.  Do I,  always make the best choice?  No, sometimes I fail miserably and get myself into a tailspin.  The difference is, to me, that at some point, I reach out.   I don’t always feel like that choice, but I still do it.  I have learned that I don’t have to feel like it to just do it.  My hope is continually that I can get myself out of it.  I also become impatient.  One of my friends tells me often, slow down little grasshopper.   This is 8 week post op and that is not a long tuime for this.

Look at your cell phone.  Who have you not talked to lately?  Just a quick, how are you?  Or, whose number has been dropped for lack of use.  Or, are you lonely?   I have a slogan from a 12 step program years ago that I adhere to.  HALTS   It stands for if I’m to hungry, angry, lonely, tired or serious  and now for me personally, feeling anxiety, I need to check in with the village.  I hope this helps you, I want to be in your village.  Please respond with how you feel and if you need us to check in with you.  Blogging helps me collect my thoughts and I hope, gives you a few tools to expand your circle as well.

Hugs to ya’ll

K

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Decluttering, Bustop Babe and Knee Healing, o my…….so much to do

Decluttering didn’t work as well as I would have liked.  Everything suddenly becomes important.  For example, I had a box of fabric, small pieces, looked thru them and decided they were all important.  That made me sad to put them back on the shelf.

I invited a friend over for coffee and she brought a box of hand sewing, she is making owls for a bazaar at her children’s school.  Her colors, in my opinion, lol, don’t go there…….were drab.  So I went and got the prized box of my fabrics and offered them to her to peruse for color.  I let her take whatever she wanted out of that prized possession box of fabric.  It is like there isn’t more prized possession boxes of fabrics in my house.  I have been doing fabric art and sewing for 40 years.  I am also a dyer of fabric, and printer of cloth.  And hope to do more in the future.

I felt things as she went thru the box and made her pile.  LOL, what things?  Well, like, oh that one is so pretty, or, I could use that “someday, somewhere”, but I remained silent.  So she took some jewel tones and some prints and I saw how that would help her items for the bazaar.   So when she was finished, there were few items in the box, she put her choices in her box, we chatted had coffee, she left.  Ten minutes later, I couldn’t remember what her choices were.  There were several lessons in this as I thought about what had just happened in this process.

To give is better than to receive came to mind.  She was so pleased that I, the artist, would give her cloth.  It made her happy inside and I could see it.  That was gold, it was encouraging and helpful to her work and to her spirit.

It was helpful to me, to realize that what I think doesn’t always seem so important.  If declutter is getting rid of, then declutter the mind and the house will come.  I have began to put fabric in gallon baggies as I like to arrange them.  The colors fill my soul and I will take this baggies to the thrift store.  I choose to think that I am giving art supplies to the world, to people to use for projects and make their environments  more colorful.  And, decluttering my studio at the same time.  People say, to have a garage sale, to do this, to do that, but in truth, today, I am happy with this.

It is better to give than to receive, thank’s mom for reminding me.  Hugs to ya’ll   Off to bag some more.

Have a great weekend.

Butter, Bacon and Binoculars

I am excited to continue to  the next phase of my lowcarb highfat minimal protein lifestyle which has totally given me an upgrade on the body these past five years.  From here out, it is referred to as ketogenic, the version of Dr. Eric Westman, Director of the Duke Lifestyle Center in Durham, NC.

To him and Dr. Atkins, I will be eternally grateful for the gift of life, which is more than just sitting in a chair and breathing.

Recently, I ventured into having a knee replacement which was the initial reason for finding this way of life.  What I had been doing was mired in total pain consistently, unable to move well, and creating major depression that was the door prize for the chronic pain, arthritic body.  This led to seeking comfort in food as that was always my drug of choice.  It is the socially acceptable alcohol, used by our parents to comfort us from wee children at their knee.  For every occasion, celebratory or other, it didn’t matter, there was lots of good Southern nourishment, ready to soothe many a tired soul thru the feelings that each of us felt and, for alot of us, misunderstood, with no clue how to channel them in a healthier way.  Many a large bosom belonging to  granny, momma,  auntie, or whomever was the ships hole for feelings thru the history of mankind. 

Eventually, we will cover more of the path that led to this moment, but what I want to talk about here is a wide berth of ideas and thoughts that have come to me along with the cleared thinking of the lifestyle.

I am sorting new thoughts of my future wants, because now I get to choose, no longer just accepting it is what it can be.  So, how do we sift and seek answers.

First, one has to clear their body and find a way to thrive beyond just existence.  I existed for years, therefore, all thoughts were of food.  That is different now.  Now I think of options for the next years.

I want to travel, produce more art, meet people, go outside and kayak, spend time in nature.  I am alive for the first time in years and years.  This blog will be about new incites, conversations we want to have with ourselves.  I have a new chance and hope to make the most of it.

Where I am today, is recovering from surgery for knee replacement.  I am trying to declutter my house and that is like getting rid of carbs.  Stuff is a different form of security.  I have a fear of not having stuff, just as I had a fear of living at a bus stop because I couldn’t work, lost my job, couldn’t walk, so I had a bag of stuff and just sat down one day at the bustop.  In my mind I was referred to as Bustop Babe, the happy, obese, sweet Southern Woman, with the bad leg but always a smile on her face and a wish you a blessed day greeting.

Well, score one for me, no Bustop Babe, so not working on score two, decluttering, stay tuned.

thanks for reading.