That phrase has so much challenge in it. I used to think it was doing something far above my head and mind ability. Something so smart, I would never comprehend it, like creating a video game or programing the Roku tv. It’s all relative somehow, understanding beyond my understanding. Well, I seemed to have upped […]
That phrase has so much challenge in it. I used to think it was doing something far above my head and mind ability. Something so smart, I would never comprehend it, like creating a video game or programing the Roku tv. It’s all relative somehow, understanding beyond my understanding.
Well, I seemed to have upped my game without my knowing it. Around July 1, I had gotten my medicare card and a new bike in one week. I thought, this is both ends of the candle. My first bike at 5 and medicare at _5. The ends meet in the middle.
At that time, parking was a big discussion due to lack of it and cost. For whatever universal reason, besides the cost factor, I realized that other people NEEDED to park in my spot which I have had for 21 years or so, since the garage was built. My peers drive an hour and a half and have no place to park except close to another town.
I have been blessed with the ketogenic menu, lost the 150 lbs, replaced the knees and can walk, have energy thru the roof so thought, just do it. Give up the space. I have walked to work once, 2.2 miles according to google and it was awesome. Years ago, I rode to Duke on my former bike. I have ridden once or twice on my latest bike but it is just to hot.
My employer offered incentives to bike riders which totally met my personal needs. I can get into the parking space at nights and on weekends when I have production needs that will keep me there till 11 pm. They also gave us free bus passes good for over a year. I also found out that due to the Mcard, I can ride free anyway. LOL! So I turned in my parking permit around the first of July. Unbelievable to me. I just did it. All the attributes and the sun, the moon and the stars alined.
The next great adventure is here, Upping My Game is here.
Wow! I haven’t written a blog post since 2015, I will be doing a post more often now. We all know the saying of Change is the only constant moving event. To not make a decision is to make a decision. I have come to believe that if you think about things long enough, the universe will honor those thoughts.
For years as a small child, my siblings were into sports. I was to fat to play and a bit of a whiny brat. We were not beaten or abused as children. Yes, we had our discipline and moments of dysfunctionalism. I do believe that I was emotionally abused but also realize in the latter years of wisdom, that directions did not come with us when we popped out of the factory. And, they did an amazing job as the three of us have turned out pretty awesome.
So, here is the latest saga of excitement. Be careful of what you really, really want, it just might come true. I have lost alot of weight as you know. In the past few years, I have had my knees replaced. They work amazing, but they are borrowed and some things take getting use to even though I am 200% better. One knee is 1 year and some months and the second knee is two years and some months.
I have wanted to become more athletic but hate gyms. Like swimming and have found some pools to swim laps, but haven’t made it there just yet. Awhile back, I went out to get in the car and didn’t. I kept walking the 1.5-2 miles to where I work. I felt great, it was awesome, and I decided to do it every day, but I haven’t.
Enter the universe. Some friends have bought amazing bicycles. Mark is a chiropractor and very much into taking care of the body. So he found a bike that is easy on the knees. When I looked into it, it is the number one choice of knee replacement bikes. The reason is the pedal section called a crank, is moved forward a tad so it’s like riding recumbent but you are sitting up straight which also helps you back. It is an Electra Townie with 21 gears. There are 3 and 7 gear setups but get the 21 gears because it will help you do hills easier. Another story.
So, this week I bought a bike and helmet. Just after I made said purchase, Parking announced a small fortune to park where I park. Sticker schock to say the least. The offered a deal to turn in your parking pass. So, I have waffled on this and have made the decision to take the deal. I have canceled my parking pass and will bike or bus to work.
I am pretty excited and scared at this decision as there is no turning back with parking. LOL. Yet, they have made it totally doable for my parking needs when I need to drive. So, we are at the beginning of my become more physically fit. The bus stop is two blocks from home and from work a walk to get the bus. I love walking and have walking shoes. I bought them just after walking to work. I have been provided with everything I need to make this new challenge work. I will be posting more as I begin my biking to work chapter of life. I will also ride our beautiful greenways here in North Carolina. I am grateful to the universe for slowly bring yet another of my hearts desires into a tangible process.
Off I go, it’s a beautiful day here In Durham, NC. Going to catch some sun and fresh air on my Electra Cruiser. Yet to be named.
Years ago, I was part of an art team that taught inner city youth how to change their personal mood by the colors of clothing they chose to wear to school on a daily basis. I thought of this a lot yesterday.
I decided to go shopping for some spring dresses at the mall. I went to Macy’s and Belks. I was schocked at the junk they have in their stores. If you are a size 18, you may as well give it up for style. Then I went to Lane Bryant and Ross. Again, junk. What I see is bigger than the lack of choice. It is clothing to promote feelings of anger and unrest, which is a reflection of our country’s mood at the moment. In truth, my beautiful, smaller friend said there are no pretty clothes for anyone.
If you are going to say something bad about someone, you have to say one thing good about them. The good thing about my day is that after being large for so many years, I could definitely find a size off the rack I could wear, just nothing for a clothing celebration. I wish I could say more good things. I wonder if the stores have cut out their clothing designers.
The conspiracy theory is this. The fabrics are UGLY. They look like bad dye jobs. The patterns reflect what mildew looks like. There are no happy spring colors. The designs of fabric are non existent. If this is what America is to wear, it is a very unhappy statement. There are no spring colors, mostly blacks, greys, and shades of such. Design is non existent. Who came up with this trash? It is exactly like asking us to choose which trash we want to wear today. It is no wonder people are expressing such anger however in appropriate the public displays are. What we are wearing is not a happy transference to our souls. If you want to be happier, choose brighter colors. Black is so not there. I laugh because everyone wants to dress in black and then complains because they aren’t treated as an individual. Black doesn’t make you mysterious, doesn’t make you look much smaller and always comes in several shades of dog hair.
If you keep people unhappy, we become more self absorbed and less able to see the mess our country is crumbling downward, into the abyss. I find better colors at thrift stores.
So, today, I am grateful I can sew and I have many happy colors to choose from. One of my plans for the future is to make happy plus size wear and sell online. I have plans to make happy spring clothes for myself. What are you going to do to find things to wear. What you choose to wear does effect your mood? Don’t wait for a “size” to make you happy. If you are happier every day, then changes in your life are easier to make.
The fat discrimination is alive and well in this country. It is thriving. Unfortunately, in the next ten years, the country will explode in obesity due to the food chain situation, but I doubt the clothing world will get that point of view. That is another topic for another day.
Have a wonderful and happy spring day!!!
I have been watching the winter weather come and go for days now. We wish for snow; we wish for snow to go away. We want a snow day; we don’t want alot of snow days. The only constant thing in our short time in this world, is that time keeps going. We pretend we are ok with that, PRETEND, because there is no real choice in that process. We came from the spirit world and we will return to the spirit world. Whoever created this process has more incite than I do. However, what I do get a say in, is how I spend this time.
I GET A SAY IN HOW I SPEND THE TIME IN THE PROCESS. So do you? So with Spring coming, I feel the new life within myself. I am lazy in January and February, loving the hibernation of the bears. We are all wanting more down time, sleeping more, it’s dark earlier. Now the days will get longer. Tonight, is Daylight Savings Time Change. So, what am I really talking about?
For me, I am looking at How Do I Want to Spend My Time? Work is work time. That is a designated slot of the day. It is a means to an end.
For years I was consumed with food, always trying to lose the enormous amount of weight on my body, with little success. It took much time and energy, not knowing I was spinning my wheels, a it was a setup. That is another story.
Now, I decide the menu, put it in fitness pal, go to the to store; done. I now want the life, after the menu. The life that the menu said I could have if I stuck to the menu. 🙂 Yep!! For me, that is loss of tremendous weight. A new knee. A rekindling of thing I used to do, and alot that I always wanted to do, but never thought I would be able to. Or, allowed to do by the universe for many reasons. I realize that the weight on the body, is also weight between the ears and both need to be deal with.
I will have my second knee replaced May 4th. I have made decisions that I will work on projects long overdo to be completed. Spend time outside, with friends and doggies. Less thinking of the I shoulds. I have things I love to go and do. The menu is a small thought process for me now.
In the lives of women, body image has been our subconscious and conscious thought, I think since I opened my eyes after showing up in the outer world. What other interests do you have? What would you like to do with your time? I want to encourage you to stop charting just the body stuff and menu.
Life is now. The results are going to be, don’t wait to live your life while you are waiting for your body image to change. If you stare at your feet long enough, you will fall over. Start making a list of things you can do, make a list of people to spend time with. Find the things that make you happy. Chase away the issues that make your life hard. This will be continued. It is a beautiful day outside, get up and sit in a different chair, inside or outside. Don’t resit in the same place, look at your life from across the room. More chat to come. Have a happy day, it is possible because we are alive. To not make a choice, is making a choice. Choices can be hard, but one tiny step at a time. It is awesome, find your courage. Talk to us about what you would like to be, to have, to do. Have a great day!!
My mind continually moves around, from one thing to another. It wakes up with the committee meeting before my eyes are open. Of late, it has had its nanoseconds filled to the brim. My mind runneth over. I have been thinking, LOL, the understatement, about different things. What are the rules to thinking? I decided, since the rhythm of life is called the circle of life, long before Lion King, that is the ultimate rule or guideline, but it’s a rule, we made or, did we? No answer.. We came in from the spirit world and we will return to the spirit world, hence, it’s the only consistent rule, as we have no choice in that circle. Of course, we like to think that what we do can enhance the time clock, it seems so, but no one really knows.
So, what is this about? It is about lessons learned from my latest adventure this summer. Much akin to what I read this summer. My summer vacation was knee replacement and, that brought all manner of new mini circles of understanding for me. One thinks it’s just about chopping some joint out and putting a better one in place. If only that were the only truth. So, I have learned alot from this that I think is worthy of discussion. I hope it will help you without you having your knee replaced
After thinking of appropriate presentation, I decided It should be a discussion which we will call round robin. It’s implications are much broader but for the sake of one blog post, I will try to focus. A round robin if you will. The circle has many pi’s and that will be the future blogs, breaking down the circle of our life as best I can. I believe life is better with conversation and sharing. I think that is the one neglected cureall for the state of our country. We no longer talk to each other, in the smallest quanitities. That is what will save us as individuals and serve our nation in a better way by making our lives more personal to each other and to become more human. That is not to say, we take on each others problems or responsibilities, but learn how to communicate our wants and needs. I have learned this greatly, more now, this summer than in years past, I had forgotten the neighbors. You are the neighbors.
I begin with said knee failing, for a very long time. I became so used to this, it just was what it was. So, in the interest of your sharing my blog, being in my circle, being my neighbor, being my friend, please think what painful thing have you been becoming used to that really encumbers your awareness of a better life. Stick to your own body parts, no divorce is not in this discussion, jus sayin’. Before that, it was the weight on my body which is covered in another blog, called Breaking the Biggest Myth of My Lif to be posted when I figure how to load the picutres. The hardest things to deal with are/were, some days still dealing with, is the tissue aches and the falling into an anxiety pit. I want to discuss falling into the anxiety pit, not to be confused with depression, mental illness, but human feeling that we all encounter. It scares all of us. To much media press on pointing fingers to get you to read this whatever. This is all looking in hindsite as that is 20/20. No one accepts that feeling sad and lonely and down is part of being human. We have five senses so why not engage all of the emotions as well.
I think we forget all to often that we are human beings, not human doings, whose body needs time to heal. This anxiety effects motivated people the most. And we can read it in the media but they don’t talk about going thru it, they talk about a pill, or a study, or eating comfort food. No one says, call a friend. Put the drug of choice down. Be it a pill, or a piece of pie, or a drink, or a credit card. STOP!!, LOOK!!! LISTEN TO YOUR SOUL!! FEEL!! CRY!! JUST BE!! WITH YOURSELF!! would be a great headline.
I learned this because, I was in physical pain, alone during times when my friends worked, crying in my room, not knowing this was part of the anxiety of body healing and feeling less than that I was not tough enough. I am not used to being this still or, this quiet or, this aware of this much pain, for such a long time. This is a big paragraph and I would like for you to soak it up. Feelings are healers, educators, and peace makers, leading a path to a much happier life. It slowed me down, still does, there is no time limit on healing. It taugh to make phone calls, to ask for help, from strangers, and from friends.
This is a big deal. It showed me, I am not really alone in this world. None of us are, we all have a village, but it takes participation. It took two to make you, to get you here, and it takes more than you to survive the life cycle. You, me, we have a choice on how much fun that will be and how much comfort we can receive and give in the hard times. This is the biggest lesson I have learned. I still wish some people would call more, be with me more and just remember I’m here but they don’t. So, I have to broaden my village to get what I want. I don’t know the difference from wants and needs at times. And, I don’t do any of this perfectly.
I feel like I set schedules, make lists and get it done. Produce, live, play, love and cha cha cha. Well, the body when effected by blank, for me knee replacement surgery, you fill in here, has it’s own time line. After much internet reading, my knee said, you have run over me like a bad car accident. You broke my bones, took something out, put something in, pounded it into MY bone and glued it, stitched it close and you said, ok you are done. Moving on now. Pretty scar, and the sun comes up tomorrow. Not so fast Kay or Dr.’s or universe, I am still being reckoned with and for many months to come. I am complicated.
Well, not so my friends, maybe in Oz, but not in Durham. I am 8 weeks out post op and still get brought down to Durham earth daily. I am learning how to respect my body even more. To just say, ok, I will lay down a while and not pass judgement on myself. Do you do that? Do you berate your resting times? Time is not money, that is a big fat lie. Time is your life. You will not be on your death bed and say, I wish I had made another dollar, but I bet, I wish I had made a phone call, or hugged a friend or a family member. I spend more time now, sitting in my swing on the deck. I write more notes to friends just to check in.
So, for me, the anxiety that came after the excitement of being able to walk, had a toll. I have not had anxiety in my years but I once had chronic pain and depression. Given all the chat of the moment, there is a big difference and I can do something about anxiety. I am not medical but I don’t think you have to be to have common sense. I wanted to change the anxiety and the path to it. It is within me to be the eternal optimist. Maybe not for you, but that is why we are having this blog, I want to provide hope for you. The internet has great sites for support. Bonesmart.org has been a lifeline to understanding what I put myself in to experience. Angles I have never even considered. Pre op and post op. There is no timeline in truth, as each person is different.
The body brings feelings, of it’s own accord. So, what I did, was, when I understood, which took some times, I emailed friends and asked them to stop by. They were so willing to do so. They said they were wanting to be asked. Duh, we are all so polite, so now I am saying, you can ask someone who you think is recovering, or in anxiety, or whatever, if you can stop by. Take them a meal, coffee, a smile will do much more. It is hard for we humans to be forthright and kind without permission. We have adapted a bunch of phoney rules. I do call before I drop in, but growing up, we were doing the “do drop in”. It is ok with me, I have friends who do drop in. I love that about them, they are not here to see my house, but to see me. I had to read this on a forum to understand. To know I am ok. All is well. So I am just spreading the wealth so to speak.
So, yea, I read about chemical addictions like to carbs, dopamine, drugs, shrinks, yatta, yatta, yatta, but I didn’t read about calling a friend, resting, and seeking information. Saying, can you have coffee? Can we just check in? I don’t discount mental illness, depression and all that jazz, but I’m talking about being human and I feel some of this deeper stuff is caused by not catching the early warning signals of loneliness, of being able to chat with the person next to you at the cafeteria. My momma instilled in my sibs and I that there are no strangers. I learned in the 10 days at the nursing facility, to ask people their story. Everyone has one. It is so much more than I ever imagined. So, I ask you to consider making your circle bigger. How? You decide. Who is around? If you got out of your way, who would you call and what would you do?
Here is the disclaimer. Do I, always make the best choice? No, sometimes I fail miserably and get myself into a tailspin. The difference is, to me, that at some point, I reach out. I don’t always feel like that choice, but I still do it. I have learned that I don’t have to feel like it to just do it. My hope is continually that I can get myself out of it. I also become impatient. One of my friends tells me often, slow down little grasshopper. This is 8 week post op and that is not a long tuime for this.
Look at your cell phone. Who have you not talked to lately? Just a quick, how are you? Or, whose number has been dropped for lack of use. Or, are you lonely? I have a slogan from a 12 step program years ago that I adhere to. HALTS It stands for if I’m to hungry, angry, lonely, tired or serious and now for me personally, feeling anxiety, I need to check in with the village. I hope this helps you, I want to be in your village. Please respond with how you feel and if you need us to check in with you. Blogging helps me collect my thoughts and I hope, gives you a few tools to expand your circle as well.
Hugs to ya’ll
Decluttering didn’t work as well as I would have liked. Everything suddenly becomes important. For example, I had a box of fabric, small pieces, looked thru them and decided they were all important. That made me sad to put them back on the shelf.
I invited a friend over for coffee and she brought a box of hand sewing, she is making owls for a bazaar at her children’s school. Her colors, in my opinion, lol, don’t go there…….were drab. So I went and got the prized box of my fabrics and offered them to her to peruse for color. I let her take whatever she wanted out of that prized possession box of fabric. It is like there isn’t more prized possession boxes of fabrics in my house. I have been doing fabric art and sewing for 40 years. I am also a dyer of fabric, and printer of cloth. And hope to do more in the future.
I felt things as she went thru the box and made her pile. LOL, what things? Well, like, oh that one is so pretty, or, I could use that “someday, somewhere”, but I remained silent. So she took some jewel tones and some prints and I saw how that would help her items for the bazaar. So when she was finished, there were few items in the box, she put her choices in her box, we chatted had coffee, she left. Ten minutes later, I couldn’t remember what her choices were. There were several lessons in this as I thought about what had just happened in this process.
To give is better than to receive came to mind. She was so pleased that I, the artist, would give her cloth. It made her happy inside and I could see it. That was gold, it was encouraging and helpful to her work and to her spirit.
It was helpful to me, to realize that what I think doesn’t always seem so important. If declutter is getting rid of, then declutter the mind and the house will come. I have began to put fabric in gallon baggies as I like to arrange them. The colors fill my soul and I will take this baggies to the thrift store. I choose to think that I am giving art supplies to the world, to people to use for projects and make their environments more colorful. And, decluttering my studio at the same time. People say, to have a garage sale, to do this, to do that, but in truth, today, I am happy with this.
It is better to give than to receive, thank’s mom for reminding me. Hugs to ya’ll Off to bag some more.
Have a great weekend.